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Let me Introduce myself

17 Mar
Hi - By ComfortablyNumb

Hi – By ComfortablyNumb

Well it would be rude not to really wouldn’t it. So who am I? Or more to the point who was I before I became this crumpled, confused person? And who am I determined to keep sight of throughout this?

Well usually I’m random, a little bit crazy (the good kind) and love to laugh. I’m creative – or like to think I am- and enjoy drawing, painting (just splatted colour on canvas mainly) and messing around on Photoshop. I used to sew and make things a lot but since moving – thus living on borrowed carpet with a temperamental hoover, I’m less carefree about making a mess with glue guns and glitter. I used to write poems, I like writing and intend to keep up with some of the writing challenges (check them out here) on here to break the tension of the otherwise sombre posts I’m sure to write. Basically, I like to express myself – well I wouldn’t be blogging otherwise would I?- and I hope to one day have a career that will allow my creative juices to flow.

As for me as a person, I had a pretty standard childhood, parents divorcing resulting in a few minor yet deep routed daddy issues but I think that’s pretty standard for most people to some extent. I had my fair deal of shit when I was a teenager, nothing major, the usual teenage angsty stuff but also a good few things that made me lose faith in people, I was bullied, I was cheated on, I was lied to… for years after I found it hard to trust – which was fair enough- BUT in time I finally found myself; I learned to like myself, to be myself around others and although the experience of the past toughened me up and made me stronger, I feel it also made me a better person.

I’m caring, I’m honest, maybe I’m a little too blunt at times but I don’t do bullshit. I try to be positive and happy, Yes I like to have a good moan now and then but it’s usually with a comical edge to it. I’ve had my fair share of dramas, usually radiating around me but not necessarily caused by me, still I deal with them and try to turn them into positive life lessons.

At the time I married my husband (just 9 short months ago) I felt I was -for the first time- truly happy; I had figured out my morals, my standards and established what was important to me in a relationship. I had learned to trust my gut -and my husband- and that’s what I had done throughout our relationship and so far it had worked. By the time we married I had learned to say how I felt, say what I thought and stand up for myself. Ultimately I had grown some balls and grabbed them with both hands.

After the revelations of the past few weeks I am left so confused, I have basically had our whole relationship stripped back to basics. I have to come to terms with the fact that not only did my husband let me down by lying to me…but so did my gut…and that hurts.
Now you know a little more about me I guess its time I get my hands (or fingertips) dirty and start filling you in on the rest of it…the story of how we came to be in this situation, the story of us…
To be continued

xBx

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8 responses to “Let me Introduce myself

  1. beetleypete

    March 18, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    No better place to get it all out, than the joyful anonymity of a blog. looking forward to seeing a lot more. X

     
  2. Catmandue

    March 26, 2013 at 6:56 am

    Although you would not think it from the comments and replies I have left on your blog this past hour or so, I am, in many ways, very much like you.

    I am writer in the making. I love writing… whether posts on my blog (https://catmandue53.wordpress.com/), comments on someone else’s blog, or replies to comments that other people have left on other people’s blogs.

    I am very passionate about the people and things that are important to me, and will defend those people to the bitter end. I will stand up for myself — usually online, because that is where my virtual residence is — with posts, comments and replies that are often well reasoned and not hurtful to other people.

    I’m usually pretty mellow, due in some part I’m sure to the medications I take as treatment for depression.

    I have a room-mate, and she is a woman. We have intimate relations with each other. We do not have intimate relations with anyone other than each other.

    So, although we are not technically a couple, we enjoy each others company.

    We don’t spend that much time with each other though. She has her own private life, just as I have mine.

    She likes to watch TV and read e-books. She is up to date on Facebook with her (virtual) friends there, and she chats sometimes with people she has met other places online.

    I like music, and *always* have some music on. I am prepared to take as much time as needed to have conversations about music.

    My waking hours are spent mostly on the internet, catching up with Cat LOL’s, Facebook, blogging, reading other people’s blogs.

    Reading a lot of articles from blogs on WordPress here, especially ones that deal with how to be a writer.

    And, although you may not be able to see it from my online presence, I am a practicing Christian. I don’t go to church anymore, there just isn’t the time if I want to be able to enjoy my room-mates company. I miss the sermons though… I love a good sermon. My best friend in real life — 37 years now — is a very devout Christian.

    We usually get together 3 or 4 times a year, usually at the local Tim Horton’s. The apartment has always been a bit of a mess (but an ordered mess… I am, after all, a left-handed Virgo) and I was too ashamed of it to have anyone in, even my very best real friend.

    He and I have been through thick and thin together… oh my… the stories I could tell you about our misspent teen years!

    The last visit though, I had cleaned up around here (watch for an upcoming post from me on how “Minecraft” changed my life for the better), and he came here for the first time ever.

    It was great!!! We exchanged TV shows and Movies we had with each other. That took a few hours, transferring all that data.

    In the meantime… we talk. And talk, and talk, and talk and talk. About everything.

    This time the conversation turned, as it often does, towards the philosophical. As mentioned, we are both Christians, but him far more so than me.

    After a while, we got right down to the nub of it. We debated and discussed religion in general and very specifically about God. God.. with a capital “G”. Our conversation turned very, very serious.

    This was the first time in my entire life I had really, really opened up to another human being.

    You will have to take my word for it, but it was the most intimate time for me with another human being.

    I told him what I *really* believe. He did not argue any of it. We were in complete agreement with each other about the very tenets of our religious beliefs.

    The only question I had, as I always do, was, “So… where did God come from?”.

    And for the first time, instead of reaching an impasse, as usually happens when someone asks that question, we talked about it.

    Bloody amazing… talking to another human being about our theories and beliefs about God.

    The very deepest, most profound part of my whole being. In every way, is what I am talking about here.

    No person, living or dead has ever seen that far into me… not my parents, my friends, my family… no one had ever seen that far into me, or knew me that well as he did at that time.

    In a way, he had caught a glimpse of my very soul. Now only God knows more about me than he does.

    And you now know more about me than anyone on this virtual plane. And… you now know far more than I had set out to tell you.

    But that is okay… I am not ashamed of who I am, or what I believe.

    So… I have commented on your post “Let me Introduce myself” by introducing myself to you. I fear that I may have rambled. if so, please forgive me… it’s late and I really should be abed.

    I hope that you will not think poorly of me for the replies and comments I made on your blog. I say what I mean, and mean what I say.

    I hope we can be friends. That would be a GoodThing™.

    Cheers,

    .rob.

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 26, 2013 at 11:45 am

      Wow, what an introduction 🙂 You rambled a little but i’ll allow it, it was interesting and i enjoyed it.
      I dont think poorly of you at all for stating your opinions and expressing your point of view; everyone is entitled to their own and this is the perfect place to do so. so far you have done it well. Welcome to my blog
      xB

       
      • Catmandue

        March 26, 2013 at 5:17 pm

        Whew… glad to hear it.

        I have a real problem with bedtime vs. my higher brain functions, one of us wants to go bed, while the other one is just overflowing with thoughts it want to get written down before they are forgotten. I spend a lot of time on your blog last night… I read almost every single thing that there is to read here… the posts, the comments and the replies. For me, that is a high complement… spending so much of my time reading, digesting the information and then forming the thoughts that get written down

        I fear, from the foreshadowing, that your relationship with your husband may not be improved from the last post (#6) you shared with us. Your page on Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome seems to indicate that you finally know what the root of your problem with him.

        Some of your comments seem, to me, a bit dark when you talk about your current relationship with your husband; if there is one that is.

        Even the byline of your blog here : Learning to live without Love : Would seem to indicate that you are in that place, that “Comfortably Numb” place where you have learned to live with the shortcomings you post about. I am saddened to think this may be your life.

        .rob.

        p.s. — “.rob.” is my personal signature, and is only at the end of personal posts. A good number of my usual posts end with “Cheers” or something similar. You may find some that have both, but that was from the period shortly after I started my blog and started to find some order in all the chaos. 😀

         
      • Comfortably Numb

        March 26, 2013 at 5:31 pm

        I have the same trouble at night. You finally stop rushing round and all the blog ideas drown you and excite you all at once. I do most of my reading at night also and often write things and forget until i get a reply.

        Thank you again for taking the time to read mine. To (almost) answer your questions- PTSD – as I have said at some point but I can’t remember where, was something we thought could be the root of it. Some symptoms matched up – but that’s explained more in the next few posts when even more develop.

        We still aren’t 100% but PTSD was what made sense at the time of starting this blog, my husband, counsellor and a wealth of other sources strengthened our theory. For right now, in real time anything could happen next… But I’m staying positive and I hope to be able to change my blog tag line in the near future
        xB

         
  3. Catmandue

    March 26, 2013 at 7:00 am

    Urgh… please, please forgive my horrible grammar… as mentioned, it’s late and I really should be abed. 😀

     
  4. Catmandue

    March 26, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    I understand. I sincerely hope that things will eventually work out for the two of you. If he is suffering some sort mental illness, I hope that a good therapist may be able to help him with good solid counseling and such medications as may be helpful to him.

     

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