Once married and living together we kicked our experimenting up a notch, dressing up, role playing, oils, blindfolds… But still nothing seemed to work. I was happy to try things and although it was hard not to feel responsible or like I wasn’t good enough for him, i always tried to stay positive. Despite this, he told me he felt pressured because he felt he was letting me down or disappointing me.
Around this time he began distancing himself, he told me he didn’t like cuddling me in bed – despite doing so frequently and even initiating it, he told me that he didn’t enjoy doing some of the things that we did together – some of the things that made our relationship special- and finally he confessed that physically he rarely felt anything during sex and therefore didn’t really want to do it anymore.
All of the above came as a surprise and was massively upsetting. Newlyweds and he’s already fed up with his wife! Newlyweds who have bypassed the honeymoon period and gone straight to middle aged resent and no sex…
We had a long talk in which we cleared the air. He agreed he should see a doctor about the lack of physical sensitivity, we established which activities he had been pretending to like – apparently because he wanted to show an interest in things I liked… Which is sweet but I would have been fine about it if he had told me earlier… Regardless you can’t blame him for trying right? We talked about sex…he put the evenings revelations down to stress, frustration and embarrassment; he had felt it was easier to stop doing things which didn’t have an obvious answer rather than working through it. I told him that’s not how we work, that I’m here to support him…and ended on a high note, both feeling positive and hopeful of things to come (excuse the pun)