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Part 2: Clearing the air

21 Mar
Clearing

Clearing (Photo credit: maury.mccown)

Once married and living together we kicked our experimenting up a notch, dressing up, role playing, oils, blindfolds… But still nothing seemed to work. I was happy to try things and although it was hard not to feel responsible or like I wasn’t good enough for him, i always tried to stay positive. Despite this, he told me he felt pressured because he felt he was letting me down or disappointing me.

Around this time he began distancing himself, he told me he didn’t like cuddling me in bed – despite doing so frequently and even initiating it, he told me that he didn’t enjoy doing some of the things that we did together – some of the things that made our relationship special- and finally he confessed that physically he rarely felt anything during sex and therefore didn’t really want to do it anymore.

All of the above came as a surprise and was massively upsetting. Newlyweds and he’s already fed up with his wife! Newlyweds who have bypassed the honeymoon period and gone straight to middle aged resent and no sex…

We had a long talk in which we cleared the air. He agreed he should see a doctor about the lack of physical sensitivity, we established which activities he had been pretending to like – apparently because he wanted to show an interest in things I liked… Which is sweet but I would have been fine about it if he had told me earlier… Regardless you can’t blame him for trying right? We talked about sex…he put the evenings revelations down to stress, frustration and embarrassment; he had felt it was easier to stop doing things which didn’t have an obvious answer rather than working through it. I told him that’s not how we work, that I’m here to support him…and ended on a high note, both feeling positive and hopeful of things to come (excuse the pun)

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10 responses to “Part 2: Clearing the air

  1. beetleypete

    March 21, 2013 at 9:23 am

    It is beginning to sound like those warning bells started ringing very early on. It must have seemed very strange, to be so young, yet be having ‘later life’ conversations. X

     
  2. beetleypete

    March 21, 2013 at 9:24 am

    It seems as if those warning bells were ringing very early on. Must have been strange, to be so young, yet having ‘later life’ conversations. X

     
  3. beetleypete

    March 21, 2013 at 9:27 am

    B. Your like and comments seem to be acting up. The first time I commented it disappeared, and I could only ‘like’ if I went back into comments box. I did this, and both comments appeared…Hmm. Just for info. X (Feel free to delete one of them.)

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 21, 2013 at 11:25 am

      Thanks Pete, I thought as much, no idea why that’s happening xB

       
  4. Donna

    March 21, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    Ah, your ‘like’ button has found its way to the page…and don’t believe for a second that middle age, or any age over 40 (or whatever the middle age number happens to be these days) is rife with resentment and no sex. Strike that thought from your memory banks…hit that delete button. It may be true for many, however, not for all…but, back to you…hindsight is really 20/20, isn’t it? Something/someone has hurt this guy, deeply. Why else the all around insensitivity? It may sound corny but, we can love another only as much as we love ourselves. Keep writing B…it’s good for you…and for all of us.

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 21, 2013 at 4:27 pm

      Ha ha apologies for the stereotyping, you’re right, not every marriage ends up like that but in the same aspect surely there should be SOME difference between 6 months into marriage and 40YEARS in (whether better or worse or just different) but I know where you’re coming from 😉

      I will continue to write, (there is SO much more to come of this backstory lol) hindsight is a b*tch lol and I agree, now I know how he views himself (not very nicely) all of the previous things make sense.

      Thanks as always for your thoughts Bx

       
  5. crazybunny66

    March 22, 2013 at 8:29 am

    It must have been very difficult for you at the time not being able to talk things through with other people other than your husband. I think just about everything is easier to handle than a person you love tell you that he does not want to hug or cuddle for lack of physical feelings.Again, he is very lucky to have you!!

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 22, 2013 at 11:33 am

      Aw thanks crazy bunny, at the time it was devastating :/ x

       
  6. jesuslikespizza

    March 30, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    I am happy that he started telling the truth! But sometimes as a human, with my own experiences I cannot help but wonder if:
    1. I would be happier not knowing that certain things were lies
    2. I would be happier knowing that the truth was a lie.

    mmh.. In the end I choose truth. <- This takes you out of your comfort zone but I prefer reality. ( There I answered my own questionable)

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 31, 2013 at 9:35 am

      I HATE being lied to, I’d rather be hurt by the truth than satisfied with a lie xB

       

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