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Part 3: Medicals & Medication

22 Mar
Pills

Pills (Photo credit: Grumpy-Puddin)

Over the next few months my husband was checked for all the obvious things, appointment after appointment, week after week. He was checked for everything they could think of.
We waited for results, for some kind of explanation to what was (or wasn’t) happening. At first they thought maybe it was to do with a slipped disc and trapped nerve but scans proved that to be wrong.

He was referred to a therapist on the side to try to establish a psychological cause. He can’t remember anything before the age of 9, he vaguely remembers being beaten by a relative but the memories are blurry with big chunks missing; he drunkenly told a friend that he was sexually abused – which that friend then assumed I knew about- my husband has no recollection of this or of telling the friend but by the time we established this the friend had moved on and we were unable to contact him about it. So therapy seemed like a good place to start and a good way to explore all options without dragging it out or focusing too much on one area.

However, the therapist was shit…and that’s putting it nicely. Though thinking back it was probably because my husband had edited the details when explaining the problem so it was set to fail from the start, but at the time- and only knowing the edited version myself- I wasn’t impressed. The first thing he did was put his lack of sensation down to performance anxiety and swiftly prescribed him some anti anxiety medication. He was told they would relax him for up to 4 hours so to take them whenever he intended to be intimate with me. The idea was that they would help him relax enough to stop worrying about what was or wasn’t going to happen…he also advised that my husband abstained from any ‘solo action’…which was the one thing i did agree with.

These pills are strong and known for being addictive, he was meant to take half a pill, the first night he took a whole one and, for a few minutes, he had sensation but it quickly wore off; regardless we were happy with the slight improvement. The next time he took 2 pills…which I definitely wasn’t happy with. He had no sensation that time purely because he was too high to know his own name! Afterwards we lay together and he told me he was ‘high as fuck’ and just wanted to sleep…it was awful. Having your husband dependent on drugs in order to sleep with you is absolutely soul destroying, let alone when you’ve only been married a matter of months AND he takes 4 times the amount of it! it’s the equivalent of ‘needing‘ a shot of Sambucca for Dutch courage…and then having 3 more just in case. It made me feel so so inadequate, it knocked my confidence even more than it had already been knocked by all of the stuff beforehand. BUT, despite feeling that way I never told him that, I just went with it.

I couldn’t, however, ignore the fact that he was technically overdosing on a highly addictive drug so I asked him to promise me that he would take the recommended amount in future and to carry on seeing his therapist. He did, but at the next appointment the therapist simply asked him whether the pills had helped (no) and then said ‘Well what’s the problem then? I don’t know what’s wrong with you, I think you should stop taking the pills and probably look for someone else to talk to because I’m stuck with this one’

I remember the day he came home from that appointment, he was angry and upset, he seemed shot down, embarrassed, frustrated and alone. Having been told myself when I was a teenager that I should find someone else (by a counsellor) I knew exactly what that felt like, you feel completely let down, you feel embarrassed, like you’re too messed up to be helped and like this person cant be bothered to deal with you.

I comforted him, I told him I would support him and that we could try again with someone else when he felt ready but in the meantime there was still the possibility of a medical reason coming back to explain at least part of it. There was still hope, there were still options and I wasn’t going anywhere.

xBx

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11 responses to “Part 3: Medicals & Medication

  1. beetleypete

    March 22, 2013 at 9:20 am

    I have often thought that there should be a space, and some capitals, in the word therapist (The Rapist) as that is what they do to peoples minds. OK, before you all flood in…I am sure SOME people have been helped, somewhere. So often, they tell people what they want to hear, and on other occasions, destroy them with a phrase. The end result, is to always feed the problem, give the difficulty a hook to hang on, and as a consequence, provide a crutch, without mending the fracture. If it gets too hard, they blame you, and strike you off the books. And I have never even seen a therapist! I hope this is all helping B, it is already beginning to read like the old you. XX

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 22, 2013 at 11:36 am

      🙂 thanks Pete.my counsellor is really helping ME at the moment but that’s mainly because he’s simply someone to talk to about it, but from my past experience – and knowledge of therapy- there are some whom really should give up their day job lol (therapists or counsellors before anyone points out that there is a difference) xB

       
  2. crazybunny66

    March 22, 2013 at 9:44 am

    Some people do not deserve to call themselves “doctor”, even without knowing all the facts, he shouldn´t have just prescribed medication, especially not that type of medication. And to turn him away like that was a horrible and stupid thing to do, he should get struck of for such insensitivity!

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 22, 2013 at 11:37 am

      Agreed! Especially in such a complex situation. It was a real let down and knock to his confidence :/ xB

       
  3. Russell Deasley

    March 22, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Half the problem with the medical profession is that it is not so much what you know but who when it comes to gaining positions in the medial boards and general jobs. Sad times indeed.

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 22, 2013 at 11:45 am

      Maybe you should do a top 10 WORST people to go to for help lol

       
      • Russell Deasley

        March 22, 2013 at 11:50 am

        LMAO I would need far more than a top 10 that is for sure.

         
  4. greenembers

    March 22, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    Wow, this stunned me. To just prescribe medication like that.. and then say go see someone else? What the… mind blown. 😯 You weren’t kidding when you said it was shit.

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 22, 2013 at 2:43 pm

      Yup, forgive me for making a quite sexist remark now but (from my experience with guys) it seems that men find it a lot harder to express themselves to others and to ask for help on most things – let alone personal issues… Especially ones of such a sensitive matter so for this guy to treat my husband like that was shocking and a massive knock for us xB

       
      • greenembers

        March 22, 2013 at 2:54 pm

        I can only imagine. I wouldn’t say that is entirely sexist, it is pretty true. I know I don’t like sharing, strangely it is a little easier on my blog, probably because I can think longer before I say anything and I don’t have to look people in the eye.

         
  5. behindthemaskofabuse

    March 22, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    He sounds like he was a horrible therapist.

     

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