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Part 7: Marriage Counselling

26 Mar
relationship-counselling

relationship-counselling (Photo credit: Ivo Dimitrov)

By the time our first counselling appointment arrived we were feeling positive. We arrived together ready to talk about the past and the current issue at hand. (I cant stop with the puns…they just happen)

The guy was great, we clicked, he had a good sense of humour (i.e. he laughed when I made jokes to break the awkwardness of the subject) and he seemed prepared to take us on and help us. He admitted that he had never met anyone with the issue of no sensitivity but would research it before our next session so spent the remainder of the time finding out more about us.

He asked us questions about our opinions of our relationship, (ignoring the sexual side of it) asking us to rate each area out of 10 (10 being positive/satisfying/as good as it gets). We were asked to say our numbers at the same time to avoid being influenced.

Communication 8/7
Intimacy (cuddles and kisses) 10/10
Happiness 9/9
Trust 6/10

It was a really positive activity, it was nice to see that he was as satisfied as I was, to establish that even with the issue in the bedroom we were still a pretty awesome team. We were still intimate in other ways, we still laughed, had fun and could still communicate well together -with a little room for improvement; our one issue didn’t affect us outside of the bedroom but the events surrounding it had affected my level of trust for him.

This came as no surprise to him, I’m honest about my trust levels so the counsellor suggested we work on the trust issue and sexual issue together in future sessions as they go hand in hand and improving one with have a positive effect on the other.

He also gave us homework for the next week until we saw him again…no sex! Well we knew we had been there before but this time someone was listening to our problem and had suggested this ban to both of us, he was hearing it from someone other than me and someone who wasn’t just throwing medication at him.

We booked our next appointment and headed home feeling encouraged, positive and hopeful…let the sex ban commence

xBx

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28 responses to “Part 7: Marriage Counselling

  1. crazybunny66

    March 26, 2013 at 10:41 am

    I admire you for going to see a counsellor and to open up to a complete stranger, face to face! xxx

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 26, 2013 at 11:47 am

      Thanks Crazybunny, i dont mind talking my problems through (clearly lol) especially when those problems extend to our problems. i realised they needed addressing, i realised my opinion may not be the only valid one on the matter so a middle man, a mediator seemed like the obvious thing to do.

      Thanks for continuing to follow the story, its nice to feel supported

      xB

       
  2. beetleypete

    March 26, 2013 at 11:51 am

    Sounds like the counsellor was good, and the process obviously worked for both of you. Something positive there! X

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 26, 2013 at 11:53 am

      Thanks Pete, it was so reassuring having that first session and having the fact that that there was more to us than just bedroom issues clarified x

       
  3. behindthemaskofabuse

    March 26, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    Oh the cliff hangers…lol

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 26, 2013 at 5:06 pm

      Ha ha I’m sorry (maybe) 😉 I had to write them in parts otherwise everyone would have given up reading by now. Also, it’s rather symbolic of how i felt after each part was revealed in real time. I was always left thinking it couldn’t get any worse or that this was the beginning of good changes…
      Although I know how the backstory ends, I’m still hanging on waiting to see what happens next xB

       
      • behindthemaskofabuse

        March 26, 2013 at 5:10 pm

        you know i didn’t think of it from your perspective and how you would have felt. sorry about that. you sure have given me a taste of what it might have felt like for you. xo

         
      • Comfortably Numb

        March 26, 2013 at 5:16 pm

        No no don’t be sorry, I wrote it in parts for ease more than anything else. Ease of remembering it as it happened, ensuring I didn’t miss any (what I now know to be) key parts out and to save my fingers from typing it all in one go lol.

        It was only when people began responding that i made the connection between the parts and reality myself and then it became more about firstly giving readers a breather (i mean theres a lot to take in lol) and then allowing feedback in between, just as I was asking real friends what they would do when it was really happening. 🙂 xB

         
      • behindthemaskofabuse

        March 26, 2013 at 5:18 pm

        Well how you blog is amazing and brings us back but I’m also sorry for the pain I know you must have been in, and maybe now even as you blog about it. xo

         
      • Comfortably Numb

        March 26, 2013 at 5:22 pm

        Thank you – really. It’s comments like that that reassure me and keep me strong 🙂

         
      • behindthemaskofabuse

        March 26, 2013 at 5:24 pm

        Yes please keep going!!

        I struggle terribly with sex because of my past.

         
      • Comfortably Numb

        March 26, 2013 at 5:34 pm

        I will do, really? In the same ways that I have explained about my husbands problem?

         
      • behindthemaskofabuse

        March 26, 2013 at 7:40 pm

        i can feel it, i’m not numb like he. i just have no desire for it but i do it for Hubby’s sake and that’s so painful for him. He knows I can’t say “no” ever and he knows I have no desire, so it’s really confusing for him. I went from totally promiscuous in my younger years before Hubby to the extreme opposite in my middle years. I think for me it’s because of all the abuse I’ve been through. I love my Hubby dearly but I sure wish I could receive and believe how much he loves me and he does. I also have BDD so the self conscience thing is huge for me. I often feel panic before I know it’s going to happen and I have to build up to it in my mind.
        I’m happy when it’s over. Add in that i often have flashbacks of the abuse…

         
      • Comfortably Numb

        March 26, 2013 at 10:07 pm

        Wow that sounds horrendous :/ I’m so sorry you have to deal with that

         
      • behindthemaskofabuse

        March 26, 2013 at 10:11 pm

        thank you. it’s complicated for both of us. bottom line we love each other and support each other. i’m working hard in therapy.

         
      • Comfortably Numb

        March 26, 2013 at 10:19 pm

        Good for you, always hope 😉

         
      • behindthemaskofabuse

        March 26, 2013 at 10:23 pm

        for sure! the odd time i do feel what most would it’s amazing! the fact that i can the odd time, tells me i can get that back.

         
      • Comfortably Numb

        March 26, 2013 at 10:37 pm

        Yes! Agreed completely. Same as when he has felt something or we have had results… It tells me there is hope x

         
      • behindthemaskofabuse

        March 26, 2013 at 11:28 pm

        i truly believe that. xo

         
  4. Catmandue

    March 26, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    With regard to the question of therapists, I wrote the following in response to the post

    http://theofficialhowtoblog.wordpress.com/2013/03/25/how-to-find-a-therapist-who-isnt-completely-cray/

    I wrote:

    My therapist is one of the staff members at the hospital they took me to when I suffered an accidental sleeping pill overdose on purpose.

    That has happened to me twice now. And it was quite a few years ago.

    He’s a bit old, and seems to think about things I tell him for quite a long time before he replies. His pen though… it is always moving.

    His office looks like every other office on the sixth floor… about 6′ x 8′ and feels quite cramped. He has nothing but his diplomas on the walls.

    But he’s a good guy and has kept me from trying to do myself in for quite a few years now. Nothing fancy with him; but you get good solid support. And Wellburtrin & Seroquel… Very good medication for people like me who suffer from depression.

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 26, 2013 at 5:55 pm

      Thanks, I saw a hypnotherapist once who – at the time- I thought was a little crazy but his alternate view made a world of difference. As for therapists or counsellors of the non-hypno state, the one I’m seeing personally is great. Whether he is trained and prepared for my situation is another story, but he does his best to gather info to help, hes free, he’s a counsellor and (for me) just the act of talking it out once a week is so good. If I had a mental health issue I would definitely look around, i find trust and building relationships is very important (as well as training and qualifications of course)
      Definitely important to find a good one if you need it

       
  5. Catmandue

    March 26, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    Zeegatly right.

     
  6. Catmandue

    March 26, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    p.s. — I really like the theme you are using here… it fits quite well.

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 26, 2013 at 7:28 pm

      Thank you, it took a while to choose, there were a few with the “diary-esque” feel so the decider came down to little features – probably a Virgo trait 😉

       
  7. Catmandue

    March 26, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    *Laughs out loud, for real*

     
  8. Doggy's Style

    March 26, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    I started going to the shrink last year, went for about a year, I was about to leave this place and leave all behind but my dog (marriage included).
    Was funny cuz I thought he was going to tell me what I was doing wrong of how to fix it, nothing of that happened. However, whatever he did it helped, cuz I’m still here and my mood is way better. Talking to strangers sometimes is good, hard to open up at first tho.

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      March 26, 2013 at 10:10 pm

      Prime example of why I’m kicking myself for not blogging about this sooner. It really does help to vent and often those outside are the best for alternative perspectives

       

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