He had his first therapy session this weekend. I’m dying to know what was said but of course he’s guarded and doesn’t ‘do’ talking about anything in as much detail as I do.
All I know is that he has been asked to admit when he impulse lies to me…and when he does that I am meant to avoid reacting in any way…how the hell am I meant to do that?? Just change the subject?
He cant think of an example of what kind of impulse lies he has been telling me…so I’m anxious about keeping any reaction to myself but apparently he’s meant to do it in order to realise himself when he’s doing it and my lack of reaction…well I’m assuming its to stop him feeding off it? To take away a reason for him to do it, to show him that’s its pointless and doesn’t achieve anything.
I must admit it’s a hard to come to terms with the thought that my husband, whom apparently trusted me with everything…whom said I was the one person in the world he could talk to…is now talking to someone else about his deepest thoughts. I know I know, its good that he’s seeing a therapist, he NEEDS to see a therapist, he needs to talk to someone who is trained to deal with issues like his and I am so proud of him going to see her. But its still hard. Probably because it reminds me that when he said those things to me, when he ‘talked openly to me about everything and anything’ it was all bullshit
I don’t like being out of the loop, it used to be our loop, with just the 2 of us in it…but now its not. Now its just…well 2 straight lines, there is no loop, its been cut.
I’m so worried that there is more bad stuff to come, of course its bound to be worse before it gets better but this way I have to wait to find out what that bad stuff is; I have to rely on him to come home and put his therapy techniques into practice…what if there are more revelations? I don’t know if I can handle much more.
What if he comes home and tells me ‘I made it all up…I can love I just didn’t and don’t love you and I needed a way out’ ? what if it turns out that he realises he did feel but he didn’t know what these feelings were…and that in fact he can love, he does love but he doesn’t love me? What if he gets better…and I get crushed in the process…what if I end up resenting him because of all of this and at the end of it its me who leaves because I no longer love him?
The back-story was all well and good…because I knew at the time of writing how it was going to end…but I don’t know the answer anymore. Its anyone’s guess and I am absolutely petrified.
- Therapist (manyofus1980.com)
- 5 reason why I hate my therapist (thisiswhyicheat.com)
- Fuck a therapist, writing is my therapy! (diamondpublicationz.wordpress.com)
- Dancing with Your Therapist: The Therapy Two-Step (amnottheonlyone.com)
- Therapy, why do I bother? (step14.org)
- How to Find a Therapist Who Isn’t Completely Cray (theofficialhowtoblog.wordpress.com)
- What to expect at your first therapy session (mosaictherapyandwellness.wordpress.com)