Anger: ‘The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. Emotionally, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us.’
I actually liked this stage a little, I don’t do angry…I do revenge…or I think of possible revenge – usually involving blow-up dolls or shitting in someone’s car – and it makes me feel better just by imagining it. I think it’s the act of knowing that I COULD fuck him up if I wanted to, having a plan b. (I’ve never actually shat in anyone’s car btw)
My first thoughts were that I could report him for knocking one out in his car at work, I could call and give his number plate, I could report anonymously that I had seen him doing it on occasion…just for the pure satisfaction of having someone else catch him out and embarrass him…but also to cock block him….can you imagine how annoying that would be? You get to work and think you’re safe and then…BUSTED. BUT I Googled it (of course) and he could actually get jail time for indecent exposure, amongst other things so I thought better of it.
I have enjoyed screwing him over in other ways, I flush the toilet at least twice whenever he takes a shower, I ‘forget’ to put spoons in his lunch for his yoghurts (yes I make his lunch – but I like doing it) just so I can chuckle all day thinking about him scooping it out with his fingers (he probably just drinks it but shh)
However recently its moved up a notch and I don’t like it. Our ‘banter’ has started getting a little more aggressive on my part, when we play fight I do it harder than usual and yesterday he called time out and asked me what was going on. We figured out between us that subconsciously I want to hurt him physically because I know that I cant hurt him emotionally and I want him to hurt as much as I do. Once that was out I felt better – but angry at myself for not helping anything by being that way- and went back to flushing the toilet.
- Day 64: Allow Yourself to Grieve (365daystohappinessproject.wordpress.com)
- The Similarity Between Grieving and Puberty (collectivelove.wordpress.com)
- The other side to Grieving (pj30blog.wordpress.com)
- Is there righteous anger ever? (teachingsofmasters.wordpress.com)