Bargaining: ‘The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control– If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defence to protect us from the painful reality.’
I have been bargaining, I have been promising someone, something…that IF they make this all ok I’ll do random things like floss more often… or on the other end of the scale I will be eternally grateful.
I started thinking things, If I could have known sooner…then I could have helped him more; maybe if I were less trusting this wouldn’t have happened, maybe if I had done more of X Y or Z he would KNOW that he loves me….
But ultimately its pointless, thinking that way is so damaging, its your own personal torment. I had to force myself to stop thinking such pointless things.
Nothing would have changed this outcome, nothing would have made the problem go away, nothing can change the past…the only thing that can be changed is the future – and we are the only people who can do that by getting the help we need now.
- Permission to grieve (asparagusrose.wordpress.com)
- to grieve now or later (jumpthroughthedoor.wordpress.com)