I’ve been racking my brain as to how to improve the whole bedroom situation thing and last week we had a mini breakthrough. Prepare for TMI by the way, possibly an unnecessary post but its been on my mind, it’s a definite improvement and therefore I feel its justified (lol)
As I’ve mentioned before I *accidentally* misplaced the blindfold…and after my breakdown a few weeks ago (posted here) my husband now knew exactly how that fucking blindfold made me feel. Well… one night he initiated ‘stuff’ and when it came to ‘his turn’ my stomach turned anxiously. Noting this he took charge and pleasured himself WITH me…rather than me doing it for him and feeling all exposed etc.
Lying there next to him…yeah it was a turn on but I was still very conscious of feeling like I should avoid eye contact with him….firstly because I know he feels judged and embarrassed by it (and the fact that he cant ‘finish the job normally’) and secondly because I couldn’t bear to see him squeeze his eyes shut to block me out and let the intrusive thoughts take control.
And then it dawned on me… the whole time we have been doing this there is never any touching…caressing….anything other than the job at hand (excuse the pun) probably through fear of stopping what we set out to do. We had started like this in order to take baby steps of making each other comfortable, of building up our confidence and we had been doing OK…but then the whole revelation had happened (posted here) and the bedroom issue was pushed aside…we had stopped moving things forward…we were stuck in a rut.
So…I made the first move…I leaned towards him…and kissed him *shocking I know(!)*
And oh my god what a difference! It made the whole experience feel SO much more natural, he kept going and we kept kissing or -as I told my counsellor- ‘snogging the shit out of each other’. I mean, we kiss all the time outside of the bedroom, we often have long ‘make out sessions’ and when its ‘my turn’…when we have sex.. we kiss the whole way through but for him…when its down to him…its just never happened because I suppose we have both been concentrating on the end result. It worked anyway, he got his happy ending (lol) and I was involved in that even more than normal which felt great…and since then its been that way every time.
As mentioned I did tell my counsellor and he said that its great news…the fact that he’s controlled by these thoughts…that that’s all he can think about while with me…but could still finish with me kissing him -and him kissing back passionately- is a really good sign. If this thing is so ‘different’ then my kissing him didn’t take away from that or add to it…
My husband said it was different when we kissed during…but it still worked and thinking about it I find it difficult to concentrate on kissing while concentrating on other areas too so to be honest I’m rather impressed.
Definitely a step forward