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Kiss me quick

13 May
French Kiss

French Kiss (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve been racking my brain as to how to improve the whole bedroom situation thing and last week we had a mini breakthrough. Prepare for TMI by the way, possibly an unnecessary post but its been on my mind, it’s a definite improvement and therefore I feel its justified (lol)

As I’ve mentioned before I *accidentally* misplaced the blindfold…and after my breakdown a few weeks ago (posted here) my husband now knew exactly how that fucking blindfold made me feel. Well… one night he initiated ‘stuff’ and when it came to ‘his turn’ my stomach turned anxiously. Noting this he took charge and pleasured himself WITH me…rather than me doing it for him and feeling all exposed etc.

Lying there next to him…yeah it was a turn on but I was still very conscious of feeling like I should avoid eye contact with him….firstly because I know he feels judged and embarrassed by it (and the fact that he cant ‘finish the job normally’) and secondly because I couldn’t bear to see him squeeze his eyes shut to block me out and let the intrusive thoughts take control.

And then it dawned on me… the whole time we have been doing this there is never any touching…caressing….anything other than the job at hand (excuse the pun) probably through fear of stopping what we set out to do. We had started like this in order to take baby steps of making each other comfortable, of building up our confidence and we had been doing OK…but then the whole revelation had happened (posted here) and the bedroom issue was pushed aside…we had stopped moving things forward…we were stuck in a rut.

So…I made the first move…I leaned towards him…and kissed him *shocking I know(!)*

And oh my god what a difference! It made the whole experience feel SO much more natural, he kept going and we kept kissing or -as I told my counsellor- ‘snogging the shit out of each other’. I mean, we kiss all the time outside of the bedroom, we often have long ‘make out sessions’ and when its ‘my turn’…when we have sex.. we kiss the whole way through but for him…when its down to him…its just never happened because I suppose we have both been concentrating on the end result. It worked anyway, he got his happy ending (lol) and I was involved in that even more than normal which felt great…and since then its been that way every time.

As mentioned I did tell my counsellor and he said that its great news…the fact that he’s controlled by these thoughts…that that’s all he can think about while with me…but could still finish with me kissing him -and him kissing back passionately- is a really good sign. If this thing is so ‘different’ then my kissing him didn’t take away from that or add to it…

My husband said it was different when we kissed during…but it still worked and thinking about it I find it difficult to concentrate on kissing while concentrating on other areas too so to be honest I’m rather impressed.

Definitely a step forward

xBx

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27 responses to “Kiss me quick

  1. behindthemaskofabuse

    May 13, 2013 at 7:07 pm

    Wow Hubby and I rarely kiss…Hubby hates it and he doesn’t know why. Touching too is an issue for us, he doesn’t like to be touched..not snuggled, hand holding…

    again he doesn’t know why, so our issues go beyond me. I guess we have a lot in common. I’m so glad things are better for you both. 🙂

     
  2. Flaca

    May 13, 2013 at 7:44 pm

    nice! good for you.

    kissing is how i deal with the ‘mental movies’ of thinking about the whore and my husband. everytime i think of them, when we are having sex, i kiss him. hah. its my own version of training or conditioning myself to bury the image and plant something better in that ‘space.’ like pavlov’s dogs. i don’t know its healthy for me but its working, so far.

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      May 14, 2013 at 3:00 pm

      Pavlov! Thats the one…I was trying to explain that to someone recently but couldnt remember the name. I think thats pretty normal (in terms of thinking about affairs etc) I used to have sickening images of an ex whom cheated on me…what you imagine is always worse than the reality (like hiding from a scary film and still getting scared) so well done for fighting past that for a start. It may not be healthy….but its nescessary (cant spell i dont think) and Im sure eventually it wont be so fresh. xB

       
  3. beetleypete

    May 13, 2013 at 7:50 pm

    Your posts are flying thick and fast this week B. I am taking that as a good sign, and pleased that you are getting positive vibes from improved contact.
    As ever, Pete.X

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      May 13, 2013 at 8:31 pm

      Yeah I thought that too Pete lol, i forgot about my pre scheduled ones when publishing the real time. Tomorrow will be back to normal 🙂 xB

       
      • beetleypete

        May 14, 2013 at 11:02 am

        I have never really looked into post scheduling. How does that work B? x

         
    • Comfortably Numb

      May 14, 2013 at 3:03 pm

      When composing a post…on the right hand side is the blue ‘publish’ button…
      above that should be a ‘publish: immediately: edit’ ….
      click edit and it will give you a box to type the date and time you want your post to be scheduled for. (so insert the date)
      Then click OK just below the date box
      The blue publish button should have now changed to ‘schedule’
      Click it…job done 🙂

       
  4. Becki Duckworth

    May 13, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    I have noticed that since I started my blog my husband and I have become less intimate. Its sad and something we are pushing to back burner. I think he may be scared snd worried about me emotionally.

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      May 14, 2013 at 3:08 pm

      Aw thats a shame Becki – what makes you link starting the blog with it? Does he read your posts? -Youre right, perhaps hes worried for you, or maybe hes read more about your past than he realised or knew before and is in a semi-shock state etc…As for you im sure re-living it through your posts is difficult and painful so I would say its to be expected. I’m sure things will get back to normal eventually – at least I hope they do xB

       
      • Becki Duckworth

        May 16, 2013 at 11:00 pm

        I always tell him when I have a new blog post up. We have been married almost 20 years and he feels sad. It’s been emotionally hard on him to have been with me so many years and not know so many details of the abuse by my mother. I am
        blessed we have a strong relationship. How are you?

         
  5. Charles Yallowitz

    May 13, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    The power of kissing. 🙂

     
  6. Kira

    May 13, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    This sounds like great progress, B!! Since, I’ve started reading your blog you all have really worked on making things go more smoothly for each other. I’m smiling at reading this post…so I know you must have been grinning like crazy after the fact 🙂 xoxo

     
  7. WyndyDee

    May 14, 2013 at 12:47 am

    Reblogged this on Wyndy Dee and commented:
    Awesome progress! Love kissing!!

     
  8. shoe1000

    May 14, 2013 at 1:24 am

    Thanks for a wonder full and intimate blog. I am in awe of your courage. Thanks again B!

     
  9. ioniamartin

    May 14, 2013 at 2:49 am

    Congratulations on your progress:) I’ve been thinking of you. Hope all continues to get better each day.

     
    • Comfortably Numb

      May 14, 2013 at 3:09 pm

      Thank you 🙂 Ive been thinking about you too actually – still laughing about your reply on my other post lol 😉

       
      • ioniamartin

        May 14, 2013 at 3:51 pm

        I was just wondering if you had talked to “idiot girl”

         
      • Comfortably Numb

        May 14, 2013 at 4:42 pm

        Lol, nope not heard back yet

         
  10. The Irish Wench

    May 14, 2013 at 3:40 am

    Congrats on your progress! Kissing and touching are so important! My husband’s previous marriage had no intimate contact for the vast duration of the marriage and so it was something he craves which is great since it’s my favorite thing! Sometimes good kissing and cuddling can go further than anything else!

     
    • shoe1000

      May 14, 2013 at 4:21 am

      I want bonding. Little African babies are carried the first few years of their lives, all the time. They think they have a good life and they have none of the “stuff” we have. We put babies in “another room,” and let them cry themselves to sleep. What a set up.

       
    • Comfortably Numb

      May 14, 2013 at 3:09 pm

      Cant beat a good kiss and cuddle I say 😉

       

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