Last week I wrote about the irony in my favourite song -posted here if you’re interested. (Not the song pictured above)
Whilst writing it my heart broke all over again, the emotions came back and the tears flowed. My husband was in the shower at the time and although I had composed myself/wiped my face by the time he came back my eyes were watery and it was obvious something was wrong.
Him: Why are you sad?
Me: *shrugged and shook my head* It doesn’t matter
Him: Well it does, what is it?
Me: I was just thinking about stuff
Him: What stuff was it?
Me: Nothing worth thinking about babe honestly … Nothing good anyways
Him: (Therapy techniques kicking in) What can I do to change that?
Me: It’s past stuff so can’t be changed
…But we ARE changing it 🙂
Reading this back I realise how difficult I’m coming across lol but sometimes it IS difficult with things like that because i want to tell him everything and share everything with him but at the same time i don’t see the point in opening old wounds for both of us and almost reminding him of how much he has hurt me. I mean he knows how I feel about the song now but maybe not in detail – he knows the basics though.
Its like when you reminisce about good times with someone every now and then; a thought of a good time pops into your head and you tell that person and it makes you both feel good at the memory of it…‘oh remember that time we went on that really romantic trip to Paris and we ate crepes off a prostitute and shagged in a 5star hotel…’ but should i be sharing my bad memories with him every time i have them? ‘remember that time we got married and it turned out you didn’t actually feel anything for me…’ ‘remember that time i caught you watching porn…’ ‘remember the time you ruined my favourite song on earth?’
Is it part of the healing? is it helpful to both of us rather than just me?
Back to being positive… ‘we ARE changing it‘. Without even knowing the context he’s right…we ARE changing things, obviously you cant change the past but you can learn from it; you can take steps to change yourself and your future…and that’s what WE are doing. (slowly)
I hope that one day I can listen to that song and hear a completely new meaning. I hope that one day that one line will make me smile thinking about the journey WE have been on and thinking back to how much WE have overcome…together.
- Remembering my long time bestfriend (sirgserge.wordpress.com)
- Reminiscences (infinityythoughts.wordpress.com)
- Can you remember a time where you didn’t (patrickrwells.com)
- Remember a Time When Genuine People Existed? (redoyouproject.wordpress.com)
- Eternal Sunshine: Is it necessary to forget in order to move on? (nodatappropriatemoments.wordpress.com)
- Memories, they’re such a bitch. (ohdaisies.wordpress.com)
- The Past and Present (lostinadreamland.wordpress.com)
- some memory’s are better than others (anexerciseindiscipline.com)
- I will always remember (simoneswords.wordpress.com)
- Music is My Memory (distractingdelusions.wordpress.com)