I’m still here

14 Sep

Hi all … Or those who are still following me… Apologies for the long absence – and for any spelling mistakes as I’m writing this from my phone. I’m not back for good (yet) but I almost feel like I owe you an explanation of where I have been all this time.

Well firstly my arm… Remember a few months back I mentioned that my arm was hurting a lot? Well rather than getting better its got progressively worse. I finally went to the doctors about a month ago and he thought I had torn a ligament in my shoulder thanks to an incident at work involving my boss’ dog. I’ve been going to physical therapy for the last few weeks and he thinks its actually underlying long term nerve damage which was merely bought to attention thanks to that dog.

Either way it’s fucking horrible. The near-constant ache makes me feel physically sick and I’m so frustrated with the effect it’s having on my everyday life. Sleeping is a bitch, cooking is a pain in the arse… Can openers and jars are my worst enemies right now… It hurts to write, type, drive… I can do it all but god it makes me fucking miserable. It’s like a toothache… Just there… Pissing me off all the time. It’s draining. So that was the main reason I stopped writing… Purely the fact that I physically couldn’t keep up with the act of regularly blogging.

Emotionally I’m ok but at some point i got so overwhelmed in every way possible about things – good and bad – that I just couldn’t write it all down and had some kind of blog meltdown.

I’m still seeing my counsellor and she’s amazing… She even hugs me after each session 🙂 Hubby is doing really well in his sessions, I’m so proud of the work he’s doing. He started hypnotherapy (with the same therapist) a week or so ago and that seems to be helping a lot.

Our first anniversary (which I was so anxious about) came and went and oh my it was amazing. It’s already in the “happy book” and I will share it with you once I’m back on track.

Then there is the relationship biggie- he told me his 10… THE big secret (which I won’t be sharing with you I’m afraid lol) … That was a while back now and the world hasn’t imploded and we are still married – in fact we are now stronger than ever- so I think that should be all you need to know as far as his 10 goes

Finally there’s the bombshell that was dropped last month…and the second biggest thing that has affected me every day since (the first being my blimmin arm)…we were told by his work that rather than having another year in the UK we actually needed to be living in America by the end of October THIS YEAR! At first I freaked out, panicking that WE were not ready for this. I confided in my friend (who knows everything) and she asked me to think of how our relationship is without all the past/therapy stuff and if I would be happy with him if it didn’t exist and honestly I would. Taking all of that away leaves us fine and happy, we still talk and cuddle and don’t fight much (apart from the odd nag but that doesn’t count) so that’s how I’m looking at it. As well as the amount of progress he has made – from not talking or understanding his feelings to at least trying to and wanting to and finding himself bit by bit- in reality he has come a long way – even if I (or us normal people lol) can’t see it AND WE have made progress together too.

With that logic I felt a bit more confident but still weary… Until a shit load of other stuff was thrown into the mix (which i cant and wont go into) meaning there was a possibility that I wouldn’t be able to go with him… And it was then that I realised how much it meant to me. In an instant I went from “can I really be thinking of doing this?” To “fuck this I’m going even if it kills me!!” – funny how things make you realise what matters isn’t it? The idea I had originally given myself a year to ponder was finalised in one moment.

Of course i’m not taking it lightly, i’m not forgetting that there is a lot of work still to be done and i’ve covered my arse incase shit hits the fan once we are over there but the way I see it is a change of scenery can’t be that bad. Why not travel the world while working on all of this? And to be honest the shock news has glued us even stronger together, we became solid, a force, a good team- planning and preparing for the future… It’s been a nice reminder of how strong we really are.

So… It looks like we are going to America. We have managed to get it pushed back till December though which gives us time to tie up a few loose ends before we leave.

So -like I said to BeetleyPete- there’s just a lot going on right now and more time to think about stuff or get on with stuff than to write it all down lol but I’m not curled in a corner or losing the will to live so I guess that means I’m ok lol -though trying to sort out an international move with a dead arm is frustrating as hell!

So… That’s that. I genuinely hope you are all doing well. Hopefully soon I will be back to my usual blogging self… I’m sure I’ll have a lot to write about once we are finally across the pond.


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Posted by on September 14, 2013 in The Present -How things are


Tags: , , , , ,

21 responses to “I’m still here

  1. beetleypete

    September 14, 2013 at 10:16 pm

    Great to see you back B, if only for a flying visit. Nice to get a complete ‘catch up’ too. I will e mail with some personal stuff (of mine) but it’s nothing too dramatic.
    Last day of our two week holiday. First week great, second a washout.
    Hope everyone spots your return, and comes back with the love.
    As ever, Pete. X

    • Comfortably Numb

      September 14, 2013 at 10:21 pm

      Thanks Pete – looking forward to the email – it seems we have a few more months of coffee before the big move 🙂
      I’ve just re read my post and it seems I haven’t given that much love out in this one – nor much detail or emotion- which I think shows how “out of blogging” I am for now. Hopefully soon I can take it up again without losing the energy in my arm lol xB

    • Comfortably Numb

      September 14, 2013 at 10:28 pm

      I managed to delete your second comment and can’t undo it… Grrrrr lol. I’m not sure I think he may have started up his website and poured most of his creativity into that. I do know he had some things going on (offline) too so perhaps that’s taking up most of his time for now xx

  2. behindthemaskofabuse

    September 14, 2013 at 10:28 pm

    I’m sorry to hear about your arm. Nerve pain is the worst kind of pain! I hope you have some pain killers to help. Wow big things in your future. I wish you all the best with the move! Glad to hear from you and learn that aside from your arm you’re fairing well. 🙂

  3. Olivia Stocum

    September 14, 2013 at 10:42 pm

    Well, hello, stranger!

    • Comfortably Numb

      September 14, 2013 at 10:55 pm

      🙂 hello back to you 🙂 btw I got a kindle for my birthday so I can finally enjoy reading without the migraines – I’m now trying to figure out how to get that PDF you sent me on to it and ill be in dawning heaven 🙂 x

      • Olivia Stocum

        September 15, 2013 at 12:39 pm

        Awesome. Thanks. I think I might be able to send you the kindle version as a ‘gift’ too, so that’s an option. 🙂

      • Comfortably Numb

        September 15, 2013 at 10:39 pm

        Ooh that sounds even better 🙂 I’m looking forward to it xx

  4. Green Embers

    September 14, 2013 at 11:02 pm

    Good to see you back! Sorry about the arm that sucks! Glad that you and the husband are doing great! Hey you get to come live in the USofA, hope it isn’t too much of a shock for you!

    • Comfortably Numb

      September 14, 2013 at 11:09 pm

      I do Indeed 🙂 I get to see my daddy over there too – never a bad thing 🙂 xx

  5. Charles Yallowitz

    September 14, 2013 at 11:24 pm

    Nice to hear from you. Royally sucks about the arm, but it is good to hear that you and your husband are doing well.

    • Comfortably Numb

      September 15, 2013 at 10:46 pm

      Thanks Charles – we are doing so much better – I’m hoping its not a case of being “too good to be true” and I’m staying positive 🙂 x

  6. Cathy Ulrich

    September 15, 2013 at 4:32 am

    I was thinking about you just this week (I’m psychic, you know!). So good to hear from you! So sorry about the shoulder and I hope you feel better soon. Glad things are going better with your hubby, though and I’ll be curious to see where you land in the U.S.!

    • Comfortably Numb

      September 15, 2013 at 10:48 pm

      Hi Cathy 🙂 Apparently north Carolina is our destination – though that is likely to change thanks to us pushing it back a little (I hope not as I’ve researched it to death and feel like I know it better than our current location lol xB

  7. writingthebody

    September 15, 2013 at 8:21 am…change of country out of the blue with everything else going on. Good luck Beth!

  8. beetleypete

    September 15, 2013 at 9:39 am

    They’re all coming back B. Nice to see that everyone still cares!
    As ever, Pete. X

  9. Mohamed

    September 28, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    I’ve been away myself for a while, and when I came back I thought I should check on you, see why you’re missing in action. I’m sorry about your arm, hopefully it will recover soon. I’m so glad you guys are actually working your way together! America sounds like a nice change, at least the driver seat is different. Anyway, just wanted to check on you and say hi.
    Stay safe, keep us updated, and many wishes for the best 🙂


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