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Motivation Monday – Blog blocking

^^^^ like cock blocking but in the blog sense lol

I am now a member :)

I am now a member 🙂

My head is still all over the place – which I’m sure this post will be too- don’t get me wrong I’m not cuddled up on the sofa sobbing every day it’s more that I have so much to write about AND think about AND do that I’m struggling to get my thoughts written out… Aside from that by the time I find the time to write them I’m either feeling good and almost wanting to avoid thinking about it all over again… Or I’m just Blimmin shattered
The other thing killing my blogging vibe is my eye…I had an eye test last week and he said that one eye has improved while the other has gotten slightly worse- actually it’s the eye that usually feels the full force of my migraines so I assume with it working overdrive to see through an out of a 2 year old prescription that’s more than likely causing them – not to mention the usual stress/hormone headaches and change in heat adding to them.

Work is still going great by the way, I’m insured to drive the van so have been driving this massive thing around – if they witnessed my attempts to park a normal sized car I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have agreed to it lol but anyway that means that I’m now driving at least 3 times as much as usual and straining my eye a lot more too… So obviously once home the last thing I feel like doing is staring at a screen and pushing them even further – unfortunately this includes reading the eBook I was (and still am) looking forward to.

Lately my arm is giving me jip too. We rented a car a few weeks back…for a whole month as apparently hard braking takes its toll on my brake pads lol, his car has gone to the little scrap heap in the sky so he’s been driving mine the short distance to work and I’m in charge of the rental until my new pads/discs arrive… However the way I’ve been sitting must be different as my elbow is feeling it now, along with passing out every night in dodgy sleep positions AND a nice incident with my bosses wheelchair ramp adding to it so the idea of bending it to type a full blog post doesn’t thrill me lol. I’m keeping that bad boy straight every chance I get.

Are you convinced by all that? Still wondering the real reason I’ve been gone? Damn you…knowing me too well lol…Of course the above really is pissing me off and physically affecting my blogging life but the elephant in the room for me right now would be our anniversary which is 2 weeks away. Its our one year anniversary of marriage…and every time I think about it I cry :/ I am anxious as hell about ‘celebrating’ a year of surviving marriage and avoiding divorce…when we only just managed to do that! It makes me feel like a fake, it reminds me of the shit we have been through and the closer the day comes the more emotionally unstable I get. I talked it out in counselling last week and I WILL get around to writing about it fully now that me feelings on it are a little clearer and less confused. PINKY PROMISE.

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Cake #3

So what on earth have I been doing?… Well instead of blogging I’ve been spending time with hubby, planning his birthday stuff, getting creative with presents and practicing cake decorating. The last one (double layer cake) was taken into his work and prompted a request for a pink, flowery cake for a workmates wife – which I was thrilled (and a little bit proud) about…until I realised its for the day after hubbys birthday lol so this week I will be making 2 cakes from scratch and decorating them ready for the weekend…wish me luck.

For one of his presents I’ve decorated a jar and printed off a few (personal) positive genuines on little strips of paper so when he’s feeling shit he can read a few of them – simple idea and many of the positives are simple too but hopefully it will help him remember that his positive things each day don’t need to be materialistic or big… little things work too; also maybe reading some of the things I feel I would be happy about in his situation will make him realise them too.

I have to say writing them was difficult in itself; Before everything happened I had written him a letter listing all the things I loved about him/us so I figured I could use most of those in the jar…but reading them back made me sad…a lot of it was about how I could trust him or how genuine he was…(I actually cringed reading them back :/) so I’ve had to start from scratch and find positive spins on the usual traits and adapt them to suit him…it was sad…BUT it was also quite good for me to do that because it made me realise them too, of course there are good things about him which I love! Silly Beth! …now I have a whole list to remind me on the shit days too lol.

My Happy Book :)

My Happy Book 🙂

Speaking of which I now have a brand spanking new HAPPY BOOK 😀 My last blog spent quite a bit of time telling the stories from my little book of happiness, a book full of quotes, sayings, photos…things stuck in…anything which I had experienced that left me smiling for days and which would bring back that smile the instant I read/saw them on one of the pages. After everything came out this year a fair bit of that happy book seemed tainted and void, not much of that happy stuff was genuine (i.e. stuff relating to my husband) and so the book had the opposite effect whenever I opened it…as did my blog…and so i got rid of both of them…and that was shit…like…REALLY shit. What made things even worse was when that friend of mine fucked off -again tainting many of the happy things from that book so there really wasn’t much good left in it :/ Well, seeing as I have now got into the habit of finding positives, getting out and about…pretty much making new…REAL, untainted memories I figured it was time to start a fresh book and fill it with goodness. And so I did :)- and that alone makes me smile 🙂 – maybe I will share some of them with you too.  (Pete you’re in the happy book btw)
Goals for this week

  • BeetlyPete kindly did some research for places to send my Vinyl singles and on following up on his lead I now know where to take them. This man has kindly agreed to sort through them and see what they’re worth…the problem being that I can’t move them from one side of the room to the other…let alone in and out of my car and across the town (there are about 2,000 of them…that’s some heavy lifting lol) so I need to wait until hubby is off work at a time when the store is open so he can help me. It’s also at least an hours travel from me so planning is key… SO… Call him and tell him to hold his horses and figure out a date that we can go.
  • I want to blog my arse off… so hopefully this week I can do that a little – depending on my arm/head…and of course whether its nice out or not as if it is then I will be enjoying that while I have the chance…so either of those will do. I do have some awards which need posting so hopefully I will get a chance to do those if not more 🙂
  • Make not one but two fan-friggin-tastic cakes

PoGeHaGo

  • I wore an outfit I wouldn’t usually go for this weekend…and I survived
  • I got to write this…without getting a migraine
  • Hubby and me had the day off together and had a nice meal in the garden of the place we got married
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21 Comments

Posted by on July 15, 2013 in Under construction

 

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Motivation Muesday

I am now a member :)

I am now a member 🙂

Well…its not Monday anymore… but screw it.
I’ve had a really up and down week (or more) but I managed to tick some of my goals off. Actually writing these posts – as unmotivated as I feel at the time really does help because its so easy to forget what I HAVE achieved during a shitty week so writing them down is kind of like an ‘oh yeah’ moment where you feel a little better afterwards 🙂

So…
Last week I finished one of the books I was reading so one aim for the next week is to review it on here and finally do an Amazon review as promised. I am now starting the next one and so far I like it (even though I’m only a few pages in lol) I’m waiting for a time where I can sit and read a good chunk at my leisure rather than squeezing bits in here and there and only half paying attention so hopefully I’ll get to do that soon 🙂

I made my counselling appointment with the newbie…actually I went one step further and had a full blown session with her there and then…I survived and it was actually good to be surprised with it. It meant I didn’t have the time to fret about it beforehand (or chicken out and cancel) I will write about that more later on…regardless I like her and have the next one booked in the next week or so 🙂

I got paid...I went shopping…I practically forced myself to BUY something to wear as for the first hour or so I wandered around picking things up and then convincing myself I didn’t need or want them and leaving empty handed. I’m so not used to treating myself lol but I ended up with a sweet dress, some practical stuff and a bunch of stuff for other people lol. I still have some set aside for hubbys birthday AND more just ‘in the account’ Saying that its been less than a week ha ha but it feels nice to be able to run out for some milk without counting the pennies and checking the account so I think I’ll be able to curb my spending and stick to what I need- we shall see.

Attempt 1

Attempt 1

Attempt 2

Attempt 2

Also I have been practicing baking and decorating cakes in preparation for his birthday cake. I started with one layer of basic marble cake so it’s a bit flat lol but I just wanted to try icing it… my first attempt was terrible lol HOWEVER I didn’t have a rolling pin so… what’s that saying about blaming their tools? It tasted bloody amazing though!

The second attempt I played with cherries which actually dried the cake out a bit (as did putting it in the fridge) but the decorating improved a bit. Next time I’m going to do 2 layers (stacked) with cream and jam in the middle…mmmmm wish me luck lol

The Shine On Award

I was recently nominated for the Shine On Award by Writing The Body http://writingthebody.wordpress.com/2013/06/25/shine-on-award/  (Thank you very much 🙂 ) Of course it comes with rules -post it, link back, nominate 15 bloggers and share 7 random things about yourself. As always do what you wish with the award…I always do lol

Shine On Award

Shine On Award

7 random things:
I don’t like ice cream
Today I am bloated
I SHOULD be doing housework right now
I reverse parked a disabled van last week and still feel proud of myself
I haven’t bitten my nails for over a month
I keep having nightmares lately :/
I wouldn’t mind going back to bed today

Questions:
1.  Rank these kinds of weather from best to worst: Sunny and hot, misty and cold, rain and cool, snow, ice, windy
My answers: Sunny and hot – Rain and cool – Windy – Misty and cold- snow – ice
2.  Do you like outdoor music festivals?
My answer: No.  Hate them,
3.  Do you like drinking water?
My answer: yes, it used to be all I drank (apart from alcohol lol) but over the last few years tea and coffee has taken over so now it has to be ice cold
4.  Favourite alcoholic drink
My answer: Vodka and coke or baileys
5.  Best drug experience
My answer: I overdosed once (pain meds) when I was a teenager and the hallucinations were hilarious – dangerous of course and stupid and that would never happen again.
6.  Most fun while not taking anything
My answer: lol I don’t ‘take anything’ so I suppose most things that are meant to be fun…
7.  Greatest sorrow:
My answer: 2013

Nominees:
EVERY ONE OF YOU…yes you! I can’t choose a handful of you -especially as I haven’t caught up with anyone on here lately and so many of you inspire me in different ways so I want ALL of YOU to shine on 🙂
If you want this award…you are welcome to it…You deserve it 🙂

My goals for this week:

  • I have been sent 2,000 vinyl singles…yup 2,000! Which I need to sort through and try and sell somewhere… any ideas?
  • I need to get some of these thoughts written down and blogged as they’re taking over my mind a little
  • I will make that double layer cake and it will be great
  • I will be careful with my spending
  • Read & Review

PoGeHaGo:

  • I am happy that my cakes are improving
  • I am happy I got to blog today
  • I am thankful for my best friend from home being just a phone call away

xBx

 

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Motivation Monday: And she’s back in the game

I am now a member :)

I am now a member 🙂

It’s been over a week since I updated about the world of Beth. It’s been busy – the good kind again. Last week and the next I’m doing extra work hours in the daytime – which is when I used to write- so by the time I’m home in the evening I’m just shattered and not in the mood to write much – plus then it’s cooking, cleaning, hubby time and early to bed so even if I was in the mood there just don’t seem to be enough hours lol.

I mentioned in a previous motivation post that I wanted to get some reading done and start dipping my toes into genres which wouldn’t usually interest me – how do I know this? I don’t!  I’ve not tried reading many other genres so I’m about to find out.

Over the last few months I’ve been sent some e-books to read – beta reading? etc So I’ve been catching up on those – I’m not allowed to blog about them yet as they’re confidential and all that but a few of the short stories have been great! Aside from those I have been lucky enough to get my hands on some rather special previews of 2 books written by some bloggers I follow on here –The Crazy Nigerian and Olivia from the Claymore and the Surcoat– which I am so excited to get my teeth into 🙂 I was sent them after stalking their blogs a week or so back and I have promised to leave a review etc on completion…but I think I will go a step further and leave a few on different sites -including on here- meaning now I need to figure out what makes a good book review lol. I’ve opted to start with the ‘Crazy Nigerians’ book as that one is shorter and so far – only a chapter or 2 in- I am loving it so hopefully I’ll find some spare time to keep charging through that -or I’ll just lose more sleep and stay up later lol.

I managed to get some writing done but not a lot, I did a post for the RCC, one for the Community Storyboard and am currently in the process of collaborating on a post for The MisAdventures of Vanilla which I am excited about but I guess time differences and schedules are getting in the way a little…regardless we will get there in the end. Apologies for not writing more lately, as I said above I have just not been able to get into the right mood to actually get all my thoughts written down. Watch this space though, Beth will bounce back as usual.

I DID manage to sort through some clothes etc but most of the unwanted stuff got thrown as they weren’t worthy of charity shopping and the stuff I kept… Well it’s all near and organised now so that’s something – doubt it will last long though lol

The details of my manual handling course are still pending but in the mean time I’ve been looking up a few short -fun- courses such as cupcake making (I’ve always wanted to do that lol) but there don’t seem to be many near me i.e. in the middle of nothingness so I may just learn from you tube for now. Speaking of cakes it’s hubby’s birthday coming up so I’m going to make him a cake *shock horror* or at least buy one and ice it or something – that way I have an excuse to practice making pretty (or manly) things and he can eat it lol. I tried for the first time EVER over the weekend and it was the ugliest cake I’ve ever seen BUT god it tasted amazing! Plus I didn’t have a rolling pin so had to use a makeshift one (a roll of cooking foil) and with that in mind it wasn’t THAT bad. This weekend I will be stocking up on tools and equipment to scratch my creative itch 🙂

Last week I met my husbands therapist, spoke to his mum AND his sister got in touch…AND it was my final final session with my counsellor – I will leave all of that for separate posts as there is quite a bit to cover.

OH…MY….Guess who I met last week….only THE legend himself BeetleyPete! AND MRS PETE TOO! It was great, we got photos -which I wont post on here- but that was one thing (Pete kindly reminded me) that I wanted to take away from our meet and greet 🙂

I had been a little nervous about meeting him – like with meeting anyone from the internet- both because I think you’re always worried that something will change the way you talk online i.e. dribbling when talking or smelling like a swamp (shallow I know) but luckily Pete (nor Mrs Pete) did either of those lol – and then comes in the danger factor. I learnt a long time ago that people online can be very different in person – heck I’ve learnt the same for the ones you’re married to! lol – Saying that the same goes for meeting any man I suppose- so despite my gut telling me all would be fine I was still prepared to go alone if that was the case – public place, phone calls when I’m leaving, maybe the odd spying friend watching through the window lol.

Needless to say none of that seemed necessary when it came down to it, in fact not only was Mrs Pete there but hubby came too! And not just to make sure I didn’t get kidnapped (adult-napped?) I had asked out of courtesy if he would like to come and to my surprise he said yes – despite knowing that he was about to meet someone whom knew a lot more about him than anyone else he knows (bar me of course) he was fine with it – as was Pete, no judgements, no snide comments which is more than I can say for the few people who know LESS than he does (well done Pete lol) I guess that’s the difference between maturity levels showing there.

As far as goals go it seems I actually didn’t do as bad as I thought, I still need to work on my spelling (only certain words) but everything else is ticked off 🙂

Goals for this week:

  • Make the counselling appointment
  • Buy creative tools and some well needed bits and bobs this weekend with my first full ‘pay check’
  • DON’T spend ALL of it in one go
  • Carry on reading
  • Fit in some blogging

PoGeHaGo

  • I am proud that I managed to ice my first ever cake without killing anyone in the process
  • I am happy that I now understand hubby a little better
  • I am thankful for bedtime reading

Have a good week 🙂

xBx

 
13 Comments

Posted by on June 24, 2013 in Under construction

 

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Motivation Monday – Awards

Seeing as last weeks goals (posted here) pretty much went out the window – apart from getting a photo with Mr&Mrs BeetleyPete 😀  I figured it was about time I got these Awards Posts done…..

I have quite a few awards to hand out today….bear with me. Its my own fault for not passing them on sooner really lol Anyhow I will comply with the ‘rules’ of each apart from the amount of nominations I need to make as that could take a while…but you never know I may get a second wind on this 😉
So…without further ado…

THANK YOU ALL FOR MY AWARDS 🙂 It’s only fair to send some back your way so see below to find out which ones you’ve got 😉 Also, seeing as I haven’t had a chance to catch up regularly I also think it’s only fair to pass these awards to those I HAVE been in touch with lately….congrats all xB

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Share the Love Award from  http://writingthebody.wordpress.com/2013/06/14/awarded-by-brigid-sharing-the-love-as-she-does/ Apparently it is similar to the Liebster Award which I have also been nominated for http://solothefirst.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/liebster-award-thanks/ and http://theclaymoreandsurcoat.com/2013/06/14/liebster-award/ so thank you all – I’m sorry though I’m going to do a mish mash of ‘rules’

Liebster Award

Liebster Award

 The Rules
1. Add the award logo to your blog.

2. List 11 Random Facts

3. Answer the questions
4. Nominate and let them know
5. Send them 11 new questions

My Facts: (There’s not much people on here don’t already know lol)
1- I wear glasses – I call them ‘me goggles’ and cant see much without them
2- I don’t like my forehead being on show…lol… I USED to cover it with a side fringe etc but more recently I’ve let it out a bit more often (saves me straightening my hair lol)
3- I am a dirty smoker
4- I have just eaten waaay too many sweets and feel a bit sick… but I might have one more anyway
5- I love watching TopGear
6- I missed the first half of the new season of ‘ONCE’ and am pissed about it
7 – I love driving…
8- ….I rarely have anywhere to drive though…or enough money to spend once there lol
9 – I am meant to be getting ready for work right now
10- My exs mum and I once stole my exs car to retrieve something the ex was too scared to get himself (wimp)
11-I cant think of anything to write for number 11

Questions:
1.  Name an enduring sorrow, something that has lasted for over a year
Does the finale of ‘LOST’ count? I was SO angry at the ending – especially as I had guessed from the first season…6 years that took…6 years!!!!!
2. Best song that captures an enduring sorrow
I suppose for me that would be 30 Seconds to Mars – The Kill…why? see this post
3.  Band with the best lyrics
Jeebus these questions are hard….I couldn’t possibly choose
4.  Band with the best music
Same as above
5. How do you relate to nature? I mean do you need it, trees, lakes, seas, mountains etc
Views and things… fine, I appreciate the prettiness but only when I can go back to the comfort of my home afterwards
6. Appliance you cannot do without.
Some kind of water boiling device…I need my instant coffee
7. Have you ever been bullied?  describe it (if you feel ok that is)
Yes, over 6 years by a group of 13 girls. Nothing physical thankfully (apart from the odd thing thrown at me now and then) but verbal, emotional bullying. It broke me down and took a long time to get over.
8.  Did you ever sleep with someone because that would be easier than telling that person or persons, no?  Describe that…if you feel ok
No…possibly…maybe. More because I wasn’t too fussed about whether we did or didn’t, I think I was more interested to find out whether we could go there and how it would be… so we did…and it didn’t really change anything either way so we never did again and remained friends.
9. is there a painter you like?  Link please…
I’m going modern on this one http://maugryph.com/2013/06/17/a-different-dragon-ipad-drawing/
10.  favourite youtube clip…link please
Oh god …don’t judge me lol…

11.  Most masochistic thing about you…..this is me after all …. describe if you feel ok.
This is me so I had to Google that lol  and I think I will leave this one blank

Nominees for the Share the Love Award:

http://ethicalhedonism.wordpress.com/2013/06/16/a-rainy-day/
http://petitemagique.wordpress.com/2013/06/10/photo-shoot-tattoos/

Nominees for the Liebster Award:

Anyone in the RCC whom wants it…it is yours

Questions for Nominees:
1 What’s the gossip?
2 Favourite Colour?
3 What do you do for a living?
4 Do you enjoy it
5 What’s you favourite quote? (and why?)
6 Sweet or savoury?
7 Favourite film of all time?
8 Where in the world are you?
9 Where in the world would you love to be?
10 Best moment of your life (so far) ?
11 What activity do you love the most? and why

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The Crazy Nigerian Nominated me for the Super Sweet Award http://thecrazynigerian.com/2013/06/13/the-crazy-nigerian-receives-a-3rd-award/ (Thank you 🙂 )

Super Sweet

Super Sweet

What to do:
Thank the Super Sweet Blogger that nominated you.
Answer 5 Super Sweet questions.
Include the Super Sweet Blogging Award in your blog post.
Nominate your nominees on their blog.

Q&A
Cookies or Cake? – Cookies
Chocolate or Vanilla? – Vanilla
Favourite Sweet Treat? – Sweets! Chewy ones….Sooo bad for my teeth
When do you crave sweet things most?  All day every day lol
Sweet Nickname – My husband calls me ass-eyes….

Nominees for the Super Sweet Award: (You guys are the sweetest 😉 )

http://readfulthingsblog.com/category/my-writing-attempts/
http://largeself.com/2013/05/10/weekly-photo-challenge-pattern/
http://donnaweidner.com/2013/05/29/got-bupkis/

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A few awards in one here but seeing as I have 2 of them and this is already a mammoth post I will kindly steal the 2 I don’t already have 😉 The hug award and the Dragon something award lol http://ethicalhedonism.wordpress.com/2013/06/02/its-certainly-raining-awards/

Hug Award

Hug Award

Dragons Loyalty

Dragons Loyalty

I’m guessing there were a lot of ‘rules’ for these so thankfully they have been merged down *phew* Saying that the questions aren’t exactly easy lol 😉

Questions:
What is the meaning of life?
42? Whatever you want it to mean
Happiness is all about?
looking back one day and crying from the good memories or from the better ones you’re making
Why did you start a blog?
To say the things I couldn’t say to my friends/family/husband, to find people whom understand, have been there, experienced life…to find people to communicate with – from a distance and not worry about isolating myself with the truth
What is more important in your life relationships or fame?
Relationships…. its lonely at the top – or so I’ve heard
One thing which you like the most about blogging?
I couldn’t choose one! Support, inspiration, encouragement, friendships; Having no worries about pouring my heart out, no pre judgements, everyone is as open as they want to be about what they want to be – yet you feel like you’ve known them forever.
What’s the best decision you ever made?
To take a chance on a few things in the past – I have faith in them turning out alright.
Do you believe that unconditional love really exists in any kind of relationship?
Yes, family for sure but I think even if the relationship failed there are still some relationships/people you could love forever, no matter what…It doesn’t mean you’re going to be walked all over though
Do you believe in Karma’s if yes then what are bad and good karma according to you?
I didn’t, but then I got kicked by a bunch of bad shit…so now I’m wondering what i did so bad lol….I’m hoping its true though because all the good I’ve been doing has to amount to something right?
Do you believe in rebirth or afterlife if yes then why?
I would LOVE to, I was raised catholic so I’m not supposed to believe in rebirth but I’m not a practicing catholic and that’s my favourite idea – as far as death goes anyway.
What is the best moment of your life?
I couldn’t say – there have been some great ones but they’ve always been tainted by SOMETHING – before, during, after…some thing that has taken away the ‘greatest’ part…because its not been pure, or perfect etc. My happy place is ‘the carrot’ (blogged here)that’s as pure as it gets

My Nominees for the Hug Award – I KNOW you guys could use a hug recently -hope things are looking up xxx:

http://liveuntil.com/2013/06/01/daily-prompt-one-silver-line-through-the-universe/
http://wyndydee.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/i-repent-to-my-followers-friends-and-especially-rcc/
http://behindthemaskofabuse.com/2013/06/08/surviving-the-tests/
http://moossama88.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/more-details-more-misery/ ignorance is bliss – Mo has had some sad news with regards to his grandfather…but good news about his aunt…swings and roundabouts :/ Definitely in need of a hug xx
http://fatbottomgirlsaidwhat.wordpress.com/2013/06/03/fall-out/

Nominees for the Dragon Loyalty Award:

http://greenembers.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/why-amazon-thinks-youre-stupid-opinion-piece/
http://legendsofwindemere.com/2013/06/11/hometown-changes/ (You like dragons right? 😉 )
http://beetleypete.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/a-year-on-the-blog/ (Didn’t think I’d forgotten you did you?)
http://doggysstyle.wordpress.com/2013/05/28/picture-perfect/

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The Rose of Kindness Award http://petitemagique.wordpress.com/2013/06/17/150-followers-and-more-awards/

Rose Of Kindness

Rose Of Kindness

This amazing award is created by Tersia http://tersiaburger.com

‘Let’s all think about “kindness” and make it our goal to perform just one special act of kindness every day!  It has to be a special act of kindness that actually takes an effort. Vic was a kind and generous person.  Her legacy is one of kindness and generosity.  So I have come up with an award… The Rose of Kindness Award.  I would like to add that we need to remember that our existence here is fragile, and we never have as much time with people as we think we do. If there is someone or someone’s out there that you love, don’t neglect that and don’t put off engaging with them because death waits for no-one…  Be kind and gentle.  Cherish your relationships remember to be kind….  Pay it forward!’

Rules of the Rose of Kindness Award:
Add the  Rose of Kindness Award on your blog
Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog
Nominate 13 bloggers whose kindness you have experienced
Post why you are nominating each of your nominees
Let the  nominees know that you nominated them
Suggest one special act of kindness that the world may benefit from
My nominees are:

http://writingthebody.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/tears/
http://theclaymoreandsurcoat.com/my-books/
http://solothefirst.wordpress.com/about/
http://jesuslikespizza.wordpress.com/2013/06/01/believe-and-be-satisfied-perfect-love/

I’ll do better than suggest an act I will link to the post I wrote for the RCC blog on this exact topic last week…. http://romeconstructioncrew.com/2013/06/11/building-the-nest/

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And finally the Very Inspiring Blogger Award Http://writingthebody.wordpress.com/2013/05/29/very-inspiring-blogger-award-2/

Very Inspiring Blogger

Very Inspiring Blogger

The rules
List 7 random facts
Nominate up to 15 people for it.
7 Facts about me
1 Tomorrow I will be driving a van (full of people) and I am nervous as hell
2 Yesterday I celebrated one year of rupture-free ovaries
3 I miss my blonde hair
4 Payday cannot come soon enough
5 I am bored of writing this looooong post
6 Its only 9pm and almost time for bed :/ (early start)
7 I have no battery on my phone and really wanted to do some e-reading before nodding off…but my charger cable isn’t long enough boooooooo

Nominees:

http://thecrazynigerian.com/a-good-read/
http://wobbleajelly.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/find-out-about-the-habits-of-armadillos/
http://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2013/06/09/saying-yes/
http://beenkissingafool.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/whats-your-poison/

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

AAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDD DONE 🙂
*wipes brow*

I THINK I got everything done 🙂
Thank you all again (Thank you thank you thank you)and Congrats all to the nominees – As always please don’t feel obliged to pass them on, just know I am thinking of you 🙂

xBx

 

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Motivation Monday: Rollercoaster Ride

I am now a member :)

I am now a member 🙂

Happy Monday everyone 🙂
I’ve had a busy week or so (posted about here if anyone’s interested) and this next week is set to be a rollercoaster….

Today I have my last counselling session with my current counsellor. I’m anxious about it, I’m really worried I’m going to cry when its time to say goodbye…like this is actually goodbye …forever! I’ve been thinking…it amazes me how he can walk away from this situation (not like that but…) and carry on without knowing how it ends. That would drive me insane! Lol I know they’re trained for stuff and they don’t get emotionally involved etc and I’m not the most important person in the world etc but still… does that mean all counsellors are capable of putting down a good book 3 chapters from the end and never even googling to find out the ending? Lol I suppose this is why I couldn’t be a counsellor – despite him telling me (repeatedly) I should consider it. The other reason I’m anxious is because saying goodbye to him means saying hello to a brand new counsellor at some point in the next few weeks…and seeing as there IS NO turnover/hand-over point (trust me…I’ve asked…there are no notes, no meetings nothing) I will have to tell the newbie my whole situation…from the start…in detail! Maybe I should just send him a link to my blog and wait for him to contact me once he’s caught up lol

Tomorrow I have THE dentist appointment…the biggie! (posted here) I have booked 2 days off work to recover…or just lay there and die for a few days. I don’t think I would be any good to anyone turning up miserable, unable to talk and drugged up to my eyeballs. Its not even anything massive being done to my mouth – well the equivalent of 4 fillings in one go… but seeing as my migraines have been full force over the last few weeks I’m kind of pre-empting their strike and covering my arse.

Wednesday…I will be recovering and I have planned to spend the day getting some posts written up – finally. I have so many ideas and brainstorms for posts but its just a case of writing them all down. Also since sorting out my bosses house – SO many trips to the charity shop…to the point where the women who work there no longer bother hiding their ‘urgh’ faces at the sight of more bags of clothing… I have been inspired to sort out my own. I have loads of clothes I don’t wear, I’ve kept some ‘just in case’ for years now…so whilst drugged up I will sort through them at my leisure and hopefully I’ll feel a little lighter all round after that.

ThursdayI am going with hubby to meet HIS therapist! I am nervous as hell…firstly because I don’t know what she’s going to say. The last time I went into a room with my husband and a professional was the day that hubby told me the truth and dropped his bombshell (posted here) so I’m sure you can understand why I’m a bit anxious, in the back of my mind I’ll be walking into a room with those two already knowing what’s coming and he will drop another one…. BUT apparently I’m going because she wants to meet me and has done from day one – to get my thoughts and everything else I suppose. Secondly I’m worried about dropping him into it and telling her things they haven’t covered yet or he’s not comfortable with; I spoke to my counsellor about it and he laughed and said its funny how much I put on my own shoulders and how responsible I feel. He reassured me she’s ready for most things and that I need to be honest to help my husband AND myself. Also its going to be hard going into a new surrounding and meeting a new person as I’m so used to my counsellor and his little room…lots of changes…Beth doesn’t like change lol (how ironic!)

Friday I am meeting up with a blogging friend…that’s right Beetley Pete (and his lovely wife 🙂 ) I’m excited and nervous as its our first meeting but more excited than anything else, I get to get out and see someone outside of my house and job and just be a human for a few hours! No secrets, Pete has known me (in the blog world) before AND after the bombshell, he’s read me at my worst, he knows my secrets…I think that’s a good thing ha ha Plus there’s coffee involved so… its win win in my book lol

Over the weekend we have a friends leaving DO so another excuse to dress up and get out for a while 🙂

My Goals:

  • I am itching to do a new course and now I have a regular income I’m considering signing up to one however apparently I’m meant to do a manual handling course for my job anyway so that could scratch that itch for now. Either way I want to research options for the future and find out when/where/how to do the work related one
  • Throw out some clothes as mentioned above
  • Get some blogging done including my next instalment for the character post on The MisAdventures of Vanilla, The community storyboard and another RCC post  <— my latest posts on those are linked here if anyones missed them. I caught up with a handful of blogs over the weekend and loved it so I’m going to aim to catch up with maybe 2 or 3 a day (start small considering the other goals) and I’ve still got those awards to pass on too.
  • Keep learning how to spell words -posted about here– I learned how to spell necessary and definitely over the last week and I’m (embarrassingly) proud of myself lol
  • Get a photo of me, Pete and Mrs Pete (that OK with you Pete?) I’m loving my photos at the moment… making new memories I suppose rather than pretending that nothing has happened and nothing is happening, I like to remind myself that I have moved forward in the past few months, that I am doing things for ME now and photos are my way of doing that 🙂

I think that should do it

PoGeHaGo:

  • I am thankful for plans, making plans, making lists, being organised…getting through them and ticking them off…accomplishments and small victories
  • I am proud of myself for recognising the changes ahead…but aiming to kick the shit out of them and roll with it
  • I am happy I’ve had some time to do things I enjoy lately (inc blogging) and that I will have some more time to continue this week

Hope you all have a great week 🙂

xBx

 
13 Comments

Posted by on June 10, 2013 in Under construction

 

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Guest Post – The other side of the glass: What does it feel like?

memory void

memory void (Photo credit: esmtll)

As promised, here is the first Guest Post from our mystery blogger

The other side of the glass: How does it feel?

I happened to come across the Comfortably Numb blog and I immediately contacted Beth. I wanted to give her some hope. You see, I have a unique perspective on all of this.

I was the one with PTSD. I was the one feeling numb.

Over the next few posts, I hope to give you some insights into what Beth’s husband is going through. I’ve also privately offered some suggestions to Beth, as my only hope is for her husband to feel once again.

I am by no means an expert, I’m just a survivor. If you are going through this yourself, talk to someone. Anyone. You can overcome the symptoms of PTSD and live a very normal and productive life just like I have. The treatments available today are much more advanced than when I had to deal with PTSD nearly ten years ago.

If you have a friend or loved one experiencing any of the symptoms, please encourage them to get help. Be there to listen and try to be as understanding as possible.

Without giving too much information, I dealt with female on male domestic abuse. An ex-wife abused me mentally, emotionally, and even physically over the course of our marriage. After dealing with this for many years, I was worn out emotionally. The marriage was loveless and arguments occurred daily. (This is a very simplified explanation of a very complicated situation. I’m just attempting to give a little back-story on how the PTSD came about.)

After an exceptionally difficult verbal fight that lasted twelve hours, I went to bed.

After sleeping a short three hours, I woke up the next morning in a fog. It was as if I was awake, but I was still dreaming. I had tunnel vision and nothing felt real. I could barely feel even physical touching, and when it occurred, it didn’t make sense to me.

I will never forget the look a young girl gave me when I went into a restaurant to eat. It was as if she could see the emptiness of my soul. She looked into my eyes and gave me the most…touching look. It was as if she was reaching out to me, through her eyes, to comfort me, because she immediately noticed the pain I was in.

I assumed I was experiencing all of this due to the lack of sleep. I assumed it was just a bad day and the evil feeling would be gone the next day. I was wrong.

Waking up the next day was stranger than the first. The fog had lifted from my brain, but The Void* was definitely there. I was emotionless.

What is The Void? The Void is what I call that feeling you have when you suffer with PTSD.

This is how I’ve tried to explain it over the years. Imagine that your beating heart is confined to a glass box that is in the same room you are in. You can see it. You know it is there, but you cannot touch it and you cannot feel anything from it. It functions physically but everything else is disconnected from it.

Imagine waking up and not being able to “feel” anything. No happiness, no sadness, no frustration, no sorrow, no joy, no elation, no anything. In my situation, the one emotion I could feel was anger, and quite often rage. Other than that, I felt absolutely nothing. You could have told me that my mother had just passed away and I would not have shed a tear.

The Void is pure emptiness in your soul. It is a suffocating nothingness. I used to talk long walks at night, because it was one of the few places I now felt comfortable. It was the one place the dark, cold, emptiness inside of me matched the dark, cold, emptiness on the outside.

The Void had moved in and it would take several years for it to move out. Thankfully, I made many changes and once I left that abusive relationship I started to heal. Other PTSD sufferers have a much more difficult road ahead of them. Their trauma is deeper or more hidden and their wounds more severe. However, my message is one of hope, and when The Void takes over your soul, you will grasp onto any hope that you can.

The feeling is wicked and evil. You don’t want to feel blank. You don’t want to feel empty. You don’t want to be nothing. You want to laugh and smile and cry and giggle…but it is gone. It is a very unnatural feeling and even though you know you are broken, you can’t just snap your fingers and fix it. So you learn to live with it.

What is it like to live without emotions?

That topic will be discussed in my next blog post. Until then, hug your PTSD sufferers. Hold their hands and kiss their cheeks. You will not get much, if anything, in return, but the person…the real person that is stuck behind The Void will appreciate it more than you will ever know.

* Every PTSD sufferer may not have the same level of emotion that they personally “feel”. Each trauma, person, and situation is unique. I’m just trying to give you my perspective to help you relate.

 
 

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Just thought I’d let you know…

Pile of old books.

Pile of old books. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’ve missed you!… I have spent this evening attempting to catch up on my reader…PROPERLY. This means actually taking the time to read more than on post on each blog I have clicked, liking  them, commenting and ENJOYING them!

I have missed this so much lately and I feel good to have gotten through a few blogs tonight….still a long way to go. I have given up trying to read everyone’s and settled for clicking through my ‘blogs I follow’ list looking at one at a time rather than rushing through them.

One thing I have noticed is how some blogs I follow only post maybe once every other month…never reply to comments…or just bore the living shit out of me lol…I mean this in the nicest way possible but some I read and think why on earth did I follow you? (I’m sure people think the same when they come across my blog lol) I have nothing in common with you, we never interact…was it at a time when I felt guilty for NOT following back? Some just clog up my reader with too many posts meaning I often miss out on the ones I enjoy reading….

What are your opinions on ‘unfollowing’? is there an etiquette? Do you unfollow blogs? I remember reading a post about someone who had just lost a follower and they couldn’t understand why the ‘unfollowee’ didn’t just ignore their posts in the reader… but I get it. I don’t want to have to ignore them THAT feels ruder (is that a word?) than unfollowing…

Back to the ones I enjoy…

Like I said I have taken my time this evening catching up (apologies to the LOADS that’s I haven’t got to tonight) but I thought I could mention the ones I have visited…

http://behindthemaskofabuse.com/2013/06/08/surviving-the-tests/ Zoë has been through some shit lately, She’s had some incredible guest posts which actually bought me to tears and some really informative stuff about boundaries… I learnt a lot tonight…so thank you. you are amazingly strong, you’re inspirational and you deserve so much good stuff its unreal! There is ALWAYS hope and I am so proud of you!

http://beetleypete.wordpress.com/2013/06/05/a-year-on-the-blog/ Pete…He has recently celebrated his one year blogging anniversary – or bloggerversary if you will ….so congrats Pete! He also took a trip in a time machine…:) You are a legend! <— FACT. The blogging world would not be the same without you and I thank you so much for all the support you have given me over the past year. I love your posts – though as you know some topics are not to my taste (or just go over my head) but I rate your passion for it and I always look forward to reading them…keep at it 🙂 (As ever…)

http://wobbleajelly.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/find-out-about-the-habits-of-armadillos/ I learnt about armadillos…need i say more? Really made me smile visiting this blog this evening 🙂

http://theclaymoreandsurcoat.com/my-books/ What a woman! You should be so proud of yourself (though I’m pretty sure you know this and already are 😉 ) For those who don’t know…Olivia is an author…her first novel  ‘Dawning’ will be released this summer (July I believe so not long now!!!) It’s a Historical Romance set in the Scottish Highlands. How cool is that!? I may have to smash my piggy bank and buy it once its out but for now all I can do is help by letting the people that read my posts know about hers! She is fantastic…lots of interesting author-ish posts with reviews and interviews and of course exciting news about her upcoming release 🙂 If you aren’t already familiar with Olivia and her writing…well… go check out her blog!! 😉

http://doggysstyle.wordpress.com/2013/05/28/picture-perfect/ Have you thought about what photo would be used if you were to go missing? I hadn’t…doggys style has… I WISH I had time to read these regularly…like daily because I miss them and they’re always such a pleasure to read so thank you for staying hilarious -even in my absence 😉 – I’m glad I could come and visit tonight

I am off to bed now and looking forward to catching up with some more of you tomorrow

Night blogging world

xBx

 
16 Comments

Posted by on June 8, 2013 in Under construction

 

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