I have a confession….I watched porn the other week
For anyone who doesn’t know why this is world breaking news or worthy of a post… Well sod off now lol joking come back come back. It’s a long story… Which starts here for those who don’t already know it nut basically I hate porn, I always have and even more so since discovering my husbands “fondness” (dependence) of it.
My counsellor and I discussed this in a session recently and he asked the question which I have been asked many times before… Why? (he agreed there’s some nasty stuff out there etc and that given my current marital situation it’s understandable but…) why do I hate it? What is it that gets me so angry? Even before these issues in my marriage… Even before I met my husband what it is about porn that I don’t like?
It’s the one question guaranteed to upset me, it’s one that for years has made me leave the room when discussions are bought up, the question that always makes me feel like a prude… Like there’s something wrong with me seeing as the majority of people I know are fine with it… Have no problem with it or even watch it. Well I’m not a prude, I DO stuff in the bedroom, I’m open to trying new things… But maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s that in my mind your partner should be enough for you; that I should be enough for my partner… I’ve offered to watch it with my husband before.. With exs… Just to be turned down and then find them sneaking off to watch it alone (makes me sound great doesn’t it(!) ) in my mind I don’t think that porn should be necessary in a loving… Committed relationship.
***All you porn lovers about to jump in… Please remember these are MY views, MY opinions… MY blog. You can defend it all you like but – while appreciating other views etc I get it… I can understand it but that doesn’t mean I will EVER like it or agree with its existence.***
Back to my counsellor- he asked if I had watched any… Not since I was younger but it’s not hard to find really is it? He asked whether I would ever watch any again… Like I said I’ve tried but after being turned down porn now feels like “the other woman” somewhere I just don’t want to go. He asked what my mother thought about porn (trying to figure out the root) … I’ve never discussed porn with my mother.
So… I figured in the name of science… I’d watch some.
I went to a site I know well having added it to every porn blocker in the world… And straight away my stomach turned. GIFs of old women… Girls getting “gang banged” categories (with thumbnails) of “fatties” “pre teen” “cum shots” and a nice advert down the side saying “your wife will never find out” – yes she will!!
I closed the page feeling sick, the deceit… The sneakiness… The lies that I associate with porn *urgh* no wonder guys feel compelled to hide it when its suggested right there that most other men hide it from their significant others too.
I composed myself- deep breath- try again.
I opted for “classic” porn, which I assumed to be typical man and woman… Come to fix your washing machine type porn. In this one a girl (yup she’s hot) is stood by some French windows (lovely house) in a slutty but innocent outfit (needs to stop shopping in the kids department) she looks into the camera whilst doing her thing (basically warming up) and yes I admit it it’s hot. I get it… She’s attractive, she’s got a great body and she’s confident… Then comes the guy who basically walks in and she gets to work and that’s when it gets weird (for me) again.
I’ve heard flatmates shagging before, I’ve even found myself trapped in a kitchen after some drunken flatmates decided to go at it in the hallway wrongly assuming the house was empty… I’ve heard my neighbours going at it to the point where I knew who had finished first… But I’ve never felt the need to sit and watch them! Or get off on it! Again, I get it to a point, you’re watching this person seducing YOU, they’re looking straight at the camera, straight at YOU but then someone else’s bits come into shot and your back to watching someone else…
All I kept thinking was how fake it all was, how loveless… How these girls (and guys) do this for money… They do this with different people all the time. I know there are precautions and regular check ups and stuff AND that there are a lot of promiscuous people out there – I’m no virgin- BUT still… It probably goes back to the loveless sex, the flatness of it… I wouldn’t want to think about my partner with anyone else…let alone multiples… I suppose I don’t like the thought of emotionless sex (ironically) and that thought turned me off instantly. Yeah she’s fit and all but you wouldn’t want to marry her would you? Would you want her to mother your kids? Would you want them finding out what she used to let men do to her for money? and as for mother and daughter porn or Granny bouncing around… Well… Eww. Where’s the self respect? There’s a massive lack of respect from anyone really where porn is concerned… Yeah they’re acting but still It just all seems a bit desperate to me.
I mean… By all means watch it for inspiration or to spice things up a bit but in my mind that’s as far as it should go… Where’s the romance? its so tacky…its so loveless…its so…fake. Fake boobs, fake hair… Fake orgasms! Yeah they look good but jeebus that’s high maintenance! I wouldn’t mind some fakeness… Here and there but the upkeep would be boring and expensive and overall it’s a standard that most of us “plain” girls can’t reach or shouldn’t have to! The fakeness gives people an ideal which is unachievable for most mere mortals, the fakeness of the sex…of the acts…the roughness…it makes sex a thing…it makes the people objects…there is no love making, there is no real passion….its all lust and a good hard… well you know. It takes the fun out of sex for people like me and turns it into a really boring competition, one that you are realistically never going to win because you’re fighting against something that is fantasy…it isn’t real!
Maybe it’s slight jealousy on my part because I don’t have what they do, I don’t have the money or the time… But even if I did I’d much rather spend it on something I would enjoy… Not to stroke the ideals of anyone else. Perhaps I envy their bodies…I’m sure they work hard to maintain that and good for them but to be honest I enjoy a good meal, I’d rather spend time with the people I love than spend hours at the gym and I would rather enjoy life in general than worry too much about looking amazing. I’m actually quite happy with the way I look – and I’m pretty sure a lot more people would feel the same if this ideal wasn’t drummed into every porn-atics mind…but even then… like with strippers… these girls are always going to look great because they’re always going to be replaced with younger models -and that annoys me lol. We literally have no choice but to age and to let nature take its toll, meanwhile the porn industry gets fresh meat all the time and reminds the viewers (or my husband) what they are missing. It makes me angry because while of course its good to take care of yourself and to take pride in your appearance (and I do) but porn is setting the bar so bloody high!
On top of that (no pun intended) there’s the rougher stuff, its actually upsetting to see; again I get rough stuff is fun every now and then (and with boundaries) but the things I’ve seen…. Its worrying. The thought of impressionable guys (or girls whatever) watching this stuff and assuming that the norm… its worrying. Its scary. Its fucking dangerous! The rough stuff AND the other stuff, people are seeing this without actually experiencing reality, they’re assuming real people act like this, look like this…LIKE this stuff… and its not true.
So after all of this what did I learn? What did I take away from it? I still hate it, I still don’t agree with it, it still makes me feel sick. Yeah maybe I could do with a bit more eye contact, confidence works… well in a normal situation which doesn’t involve MY husband it would anyway. I understand the appeal of it (if watched in moderation lol), I know the importance of knowing your own body and exploring yourself etc I get that sometimes you need to mix it up a bit and put the effort in, make sex fun…passionate…LOVING! I realise that men are more visual while women are able to use their imagination… but I still believe that -when in a relationship- all of that should be naturally done together, it should be an expression of your love for one another, your desire for one another…not an attempt to persuade your partner to choose you over porn.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
- “How Porn Has Destroyed My Generation” Guest Post by James Marchant, age 17. (thevenusenvy.wordpress.com)
- See ya later porn (garrettventry.wordpress.com)
- Ideology of the Porn Industry (abbey1836.wordpress.com)
- On Pornography (justindevere.wordpress.com)
- Porn (tacoslayer69.wordpress.com)
- Oompa-Loompa Porn…not what Roald Dahl intended. (pickleflix.wordpress.com)
- Pornography and Me (konnerdudley.com)
- Husband’s sex addiction fuelled by porn forced couple to split up (thesun.co.uk)
- Porn Parasite (riveradouthit.com)
- Advice to One Addicted to Porn (braggschurchofchrist.com)